we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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