I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
