For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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