I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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