so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
