I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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