Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
