Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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