YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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