she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
