am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
