I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Panties = found
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
