The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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