guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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