she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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