i jhust puked up my retainher.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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