Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
