well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
