If i come over, it means nothing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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