You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
