Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
