i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
