You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
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I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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