Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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