Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
