yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Life is so much better after having sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize