i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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