Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
