hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
