Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
