M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
