we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
