i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
