The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
