I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
