the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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