Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
