Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well you can't waste a boner
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
