My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
