god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
