We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
