You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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