On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
