lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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