dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
