Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
