Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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