the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
