i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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