I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
