woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
