do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
