after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
