it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
