i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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