so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
