I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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