I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
