Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
