I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
