he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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