Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
