I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
