We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Did I show you my penis last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
