Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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