Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
