cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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