Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
