Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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